he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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