Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
