Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
