Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
