when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
