Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Barsexuality is the new black.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
