if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
