I didn't shave. On purpose
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Randomize
