So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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