Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
