Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
