i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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