You really coming over, don't trick.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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