ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
