I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
so let's talk penis.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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