i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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