Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I made him laugh his dick is mine
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
