Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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