i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
