No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
