ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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