They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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