Where are you?
In a non slutty way
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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