I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
