I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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