what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
