evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
