I hate all girls vehemently.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
