Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
