when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
