Can i not drive my cunt home
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
