My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Be still, my beating vagina.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
