I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
