Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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