alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Please don't give away my fajitas
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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