mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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