I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
