Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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