i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
