I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
