Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Randomize
