So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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