Where is the hickey?
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
