You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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