so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
