My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
