..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
