I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
