Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
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