naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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