and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
